Now there comes a season when, after many years, many hundreds and thousands and hundreds of thousands of years, it does not rain; and while it rains not, all seedlings and vegetation, all plants, grasses, and trees dry up, wither away and cease to be. Thus constituent things are impermanent, unstable, non-eternal: so much so, that this alone is enough to weary and disgust one therewith and emancipate therefrom.

And there comes a season, at vast intervals in the lapse of time, when a second sun appears. After the appearance of the second sun, the brooks and ponds dry up, vanish away and cease to be. So impermanent are constituent things! And then there comes a season, at vast intervals in the lapse of time, when a third sun appears; and thereupon the great rivers: to wit, the Ganges, the Jamuna, the Rapti, the Gogra, the Mahî,Þdry up, vanish away and cease to be. At length, after another vast period, a fourth sun appears, and thereupon the great lakes, whence those rivers had their rise: namely, Anotatto, Lion-leap, Chariot-maker, Keel-bare, Cuckoo, Six-bayed, and Slow-flow dry up, vanish away, and cease to be. – The Buddha Numerical Collection VII. 62

Pemasiri Thera: Any time that feelings arise, tanhà also always arises. Tanhà is the Pali word for craving. Feeling, vedanà, is the necessary supportive condition for the arising of craving. “Vedanà,” said the Buddha “is mother to the child known as tanhà.”

Ratnayaka just brought me a cup of tea. Since I find the cup of tea satisfying and I get some pleasure from drinking it, I want to bring the cup of tea closer to me. I crave the cup of tea. A mental formation then emerges to possess and protect the cup of tea to make it mine. Our craving, tanhà, for an object only emerges after we contact and in some way experience the object. I craved the cup of tea only after the tea was brought to me and some pleasant feelings arose. It was at that point I wanted to possess it, to make the cup of tea mine. Now, if I drop my cup of tea on the floor, spilling the tea and breaking the cup, I suffer. So, before Ratnayaka brought me the cup of tea, before I found drinking the tea such a pleasurable experience, I didn’t crave the cup of tea; there wasn’t any craving whatsoever. Nothing arose in my mind with regard to this particular cup of tea no craving, no possessing, no protecting, and most importantly any suffering.
Feeling is the most dominant cause for the arising of craving. It is born of feeling. Feeling is the mother who gives birth to craving. Where pleasant feelings arise, we want to get closer. Where unpleasant feelings arise, we want to get away. Look around this hall where we are now sitting and having a nice chat. You see many different objects a statue of the Buddha resting on a stand, men and women, dozens of books on a shelf, cushions and mats. You don’t look at all the objects in the same way. You look at the mats differently than you look at the women you don’t crave the mats! Craving only arises when the object bears some significance to you, where feelings arise.

David: If I go off to the forest, I won’t be thinking about having a relationship with a woman.

You’re right. While practicing in the forest where there are no women, you can suppress your craving for women. All the same, when you leave the forest and come in contact with women again, your craving will be like a dam bursting. It’ll come on stronger than ever! You’re better off interacting with women, seeing them and talking with them. To whatever level of strength feelings arise, craving arises to the same level. There is a direct correlation between feelings and craving. Where intensely pleasant feelings arise, we want to bring the object as close as possible. We pursue pleasant feelings with the same intensity. We really want to possess the object. Where our contact with an object arouses intensely unpleasant feelings, we want to be as far away from the object as possible. We reject the painful object. Where pleasant and unpleasant feelings are absent, however, craving doesn’t arise.

Craving is never neutral. It always leads us in one of two directions: the beneficial or the harmful. Knowing our direction determines our destination, our birth; we restrain our craving for harmful objects and instead connect our craving with the beneficial. Craving performs the same function in the beneficial and the harmful, in the kusala and the akusala. Yes, craving can lead to a low birth, to a woeful state. But craving can also lead to a high birth and to high states of consciousness, such as the rupa-jjhànas and arupa-jjhànas. When the parents build a house for their son or daughter, the craving is there. The meditator recognizes his or her craving and wants liberation from it; this is kusala-cchanda.

Are you saying craving can be beneficial and wholesome?

No. There is no such thing as beneficial craving, kusala-tanhà. No. Craving is linked to the hindrances, and is the origin of suffering the second noble truth. Ultimately, craving always leads to some form of suffering.

Is it kusala, beneficial, to crave the end of craving?

Yes. In that case, the tanhà converts to chanda. Kusala-cchanda is the beneficial road of experience. Whether beings are human, celestial, ghost, goblin, or ogre, craving exists within them and it is an oversimplification of the Buddha’s teachings to just dismiss it as all harmful. The nature of craving is not a black and white issue. During the performance of both beneficial as well as harmful actions, moments of pleasant and unpleasant feeling surface, which means at those moments in time craving also surfaces. Time after time, the Buddha said, “Dependent on feeling, craving arises.” Any time we experience a pleasant or an unpleasant feeling, there is almost always craving, even in beneficial actions. With the arising of feeling, the mind automatically responds with craving. We can’t say that things are otherwise. Craving is without doubt present in those moments of our lives. In spite of that, craving isn’t present in each and every moment of our lives.

Kama is sensuality, our sense-sphere our links between our sense doors and their matching sense objects. In the kàma-loka, in this sense-sphere-plane where we live, we are constantly using our sense doors to contact sense objects. When our sense doors contact sense objects that arouse pleasant feelings, we crave those sense objects; this is kàma-tanhà. For example, when you participate in the evening pujà here at our centre, paying homage to the Buddha, you are craving pleasant contact with sense objects.

The pujà seems pleasant enough and even a bit mystical. I can’t say however that I participate in pujà all that often.

You’re missing out. The atmosphere in the hall is beautiful: meditators are all dressed in white; an oil lamp is lit; flowers and incense are offered; and a bhikkhu chants. When you see the peacefulness of the bhikkhu with your eyes, craving is there towards the sight of the bhikkhu. This is craving sensuality, kàma-tanhà. When you hear him chanting with your ears, more pleasant feelings come up. And based on your ears, craving arises towards the sound of the bhikkhu’s voice. Incense sticks are burning. You find the aroma pleasant and think that it would be nice to have this same kind of incense back at home. There’s some clinging. After the pujà, you might join me for a cup of tea. Then tasting the tea with your tongue, craving arises again, this time towards the tea. Through all of your sense doors, craving arose, even while paying homage to the Buddha. Sense doors are used to activate beneficial experiences, such as the pujà, and also activate harmful experiences. One month ago, you were in Colombo and you went to a bar.

Yes, a group of us went out to a club called Splash and had a beer. It was a nice break from the meditation centre. I sure needed a break. I was getting fed up with the routine here.

You had a good time at Splash, found the whole night quite enjoyable. The place looks good. It’s modern, trendy, and they play music that you like. You got a chance to smoke some cigarettes, drink beer, and chat. If I recall correctly, you had a few snacks later in the evening. Upon seeing Splash with your eyes and hearing its music with your ears, craving arose towards the sights and sounds of Splash. Both your eyes and ears were being used and there was some clinging towards what you were seeing and hearing. One of your friends smokes cigarettes. Smelling his cigarette with your nose, craving arose towards that smell and you had one yourself. The beer tasted good. The snacks tasted good. Based on your tongue, craving arose towards the beer and the snacks. These days, you have painful arthritis in your hands. It’s chronic. Even so, that night at Splash you didn’t likely direct any of your attention or craving towards your body, towards the pain in your hands. You ignored it. So, you can see, whether you are attending pujà or out at Splash, both your craving and your sense doors are functioning in exactly the same way. Craving and its mother called feeling are always playing an important role in our lives.

CHANDA

Chanda is the big picture; it’s the nature of tanhà within our overall experience of living. And though tanhà and chanda are often used as synonyms, tanhà is not the same as chanda. Tanhà just means craving and a little clinging. Chanda, on the other hand, is a process that involves wishing for and activating an experience. This process involves studying details and there’s a plan of action, with tanhà playing the deciding role within that process and within that plan. Chanda lasts only as long as the craving lasts. Chanda stops arising when the object of the plan is obtained and the craving is fulfilled. Consistent with the two ways of travel for tanhà, there are two ways of travel for chanda:

• The beneficial road of experience, kusala-cchanda
• The harmful road of experience, akusala-cchanda

When tanhà only plays a minor role, the experience is considered to be beneficial and its activation is kusala-cchanda. However, when tanhà plays a major role, the experience is harmful and its activation is deemed akusala-cchanda. If you lose your spectacles, you can look for them with very little tanhà, with kusala-cchanda; or you can look for them with lots of tanhà, with akusala-cchanda. It then follows, taking into consideration whether the role played by craving is minor or major, sense doors can be used in kammically harmful, beneficial, or neutral ways:

• Harmful excitement of sensuality, akusala-kàma-cchanda
• Beneficial work on the dhamma, kusala-dhamma-cchanda
• Neutral wish to do something, kattu-kamyatà-cchanda

Since harmful excitement of sensuality leads in the opposite direction to beneficial work on the dhamma and a neutral wish to do something, it must be kept separate from them. Excitement of sensuality leads to the hell planes; whereas beneficial work on the dhamma leads to the heavenly planes, and to liberation. A neutral wish only applies to the arahat. In the excitement of sensuality, kàma-cchanda, sense doors are used in harmful ways, akusala-cchanda. Craving plays a major role, with as much as ninety percent of the excitement of sensuality based on craving. When you perform an action with lots of craving, the feeling mind predominates. You hold onto the action and get sad or angry when the action is obstructed. If there is too much feeling and tanhà, you cannot perform the action in any beneficial or wholesome way whatsoever. Work on the dhamma, dhamma-cchanda, is the second way of using our sense doors. It’s the beneficial way of experience, kusala-cchanda, with craving playing only a minor role. As little as ten percent of work on the dhamma is based on craving. The feeling mind doesn’t predominate; it has a lesser presence in dhamma-cchanda. When you engage in actions with kusala-cchanda, the chances of getting angry are minimal. Do you cut the grass here at our centre with a little or a lot of craving? With kusala-cchanda or akusala-cchanda?

Both. It’s a mix.

While you are cutting the grass?

Yes, I want other meditators to cut some grass.

I understand why you get upset. As part of the community, meditators have a duty to help. Be that as it may, in the cutting of grass, are you doing it with craving? I am not asking about the craving that arises with other objects and people. Specifically, what about the craving that arises with the cutting of grass?

Yes. There is craving. I cut grass with both kusala and akusala-cchanda.

Though you say both, craving is minimal in your cutting of the grass. Any sort of help around a meditation centre is kusala-cchanda. In the midst of cutting the grass, do you get angry when I ask you to show visitors around the centre? You have to stop your work.

I get a little annoyed at you.

If you could cut the grass without any craving or expectations, you wouldn’t get angry at all when I take you away from cutting it. Tanhà is connected with greed, expectations, and suffering. Not everyone has to cut grass. People support our centre in various ways. Some make donations. We wouldn’t function without donations. It’s dhamma-cchanda to give things, to help. It takes the donor’s money and effort. All the same, a few people do get upset when their act of donation is obstructed or the donation isn’t used in the way they want. Tanhà is present.

Dhamma-cchanda means exerting an effort to perform beneficial actions. There is appreciation, enjoyment, and willingness evens excitement and some craving. You might be surprised to hear that there are a few people who get excited about hearing one of my dhamma talks! They go into the details of the talks and make plans to hear me. They look forward to one of my talks in exactly the same way that you might look forward to a break away from this meditation centre energized. And some of these people who like my talks travel all the way out from Colombo to our centre here in Kanduboda. It is a long and rough trip from Colombo to Kanduboda. Yet, many people, some who are old and frail, make the effort to do so. In spite of the fact that pleasant feelings and craving arise for these people who like my talks, we cannot say any harm, any akusala, arises with wanting to hear the dhamma. Such efforts and craving are strictly linked with the beneficial.

It seems to me that you find my talks boring and are often thinking, “Why doesn’t Pemasiri finish off this talk?” or “Why does he always have to drag it out for so long?” During long periods of only listening to me, as a bystander and not as a participant, it’s normal for you to have such mental formations. Still, craving plays only a minor role in listening to a dhamma talk; you are using your sense doors in a beneficial way. What do you think? Are you listening to my dhamma talks with tanhà?

You’re a free thinker. I wish you were a lot less free thinking and a lot more logical.

Even though you have a few complaints about my teaching methods, harmful effects aren’t arising. A person who is not an arahat performs all of his or her beneficial actions with dhamma-cchanda. Your work of editing some of my talks into a book is an example of dhamma-cchanda. Craving is involved, but its role is minor in the action. To finish editing the book, you travelled all the way from Canada to Sri Lanka. You are currently correcting the manuscript with my students and are doing various other things connected with editing and publishing. You willingly spend a great deal of time and effort because there is minimal tanhà present. Nonetheless, your editing work is being performed with a degree of conceit, màna.

And what about an arahat?

Arahats use their sense doors in kammically neutral ways. Travelling the kammically neutral road of experience, they perform all their actions with kattu-kamyatà-cchanda, which means there is simply a wish to perform their actions. The mental formation comes up to perform an action and he or she just performs it. Nothing else. Completely free of craving, arahats never have any sorrow or anger come up when actions are disrupted and, if necessary, arahats can let go of their actions entirely. There is no conceit whatsoever. No craving. And when there is no craving, a new being isn’t created.

OUR MAIN CONCERN

As I said, kàma-cchanda translates as the excitement of sensuality; we can also translate it as delighting in wrong actions. It is our main concern. Kàma-cchanda is the path of greed and it is mixed up with craving, clinging, and suffering. Of the five hindrances, kàma-cchanda ranks at the top of the list. The man who told me to stop teaching teenage girls has a high level of kàma-cchanda. From his level, it looks as if I am indulging in sensual pleasures when I teach teenage girls. I am not indulging in the company of teenage girls. I have no kàma-cchanda towards them. If I wanted the teenage girls to return day after day, he could say that kàma-cchanda is there in me. This is not the case. I simply enjoy teaching the dhamma to men and women of all ages.

There is one woman, now in her twenties, I have known since the day she was born. Because of her background, she is the only woman I feel a need to look out for. There is a degree of concern, “What does her future hold?” and “Will she be okay?” I write to her at Vesak, and when her grandfather visits I always ask him how she is doing. What I feel towards her is similar to what a father feels towards his daughter: I want her to be all right. Yes. There is a form of clinging, but it is an appropriate form of clinging. I am not using her in a wrong way, for any personal benefit, and I definitely have no thoughts of a physical relationship.
Kàma-ràga and kàma-cchanda are two distinct phenomena. Kàma-ràga is purely the liking of sensuality, a general enjoyment that comes through the sense doors. There is no desire to possess the object. For example, it means you find a person’s company to be, on the whole, pleasing. Even anàgàmãs prefer the company of one person to the company of another person. Kàma-cchanda, on the other hand, means there is a strong liking for sensuality and there is a wanting to possess the object. You study and latch onto the sensual details of a person. Anàgàmãs don’t study sensual details.

I like hiking in the Singharaja Forest Reserve. Is that kàma-cchanda?

Enjoying a hike in Singharaja is one thing. That is kàma-ràga. It is quite another thing to study the flora and fauna of Singharaja, and to dream of building a rest house there. That is kàma-cchanda.

Is liking a woman’s curves kàma-cchanda?

Yes. You are indulging in the excitement of sensuality when you prolong your mental formations about the woman’s body for a day or two. In dhamma talks, I generally only deal with secondary objects of sensual pleasure, of sensuality, such as drinking a cup of tea, and I don’t deal with primary objects, such as the sexual relations between men and women.

Sex is an important topic.

Yes. Sexual relations is an important topic and it’s good you ask about it. When I speak about sexual relations, however, many people misunderstand and some are offended. Says the Buddha in the Aïguttara Nikàya, “I don’t see any other phenomenon that entangles people so completely.” When you see a beautiful and very attractive woman, kàma-ràga arises in you towards her. Kàma-ràga means you appreciate her beauty and you enjoy her company, purely in the moment. You don’t expect anything. Kàma-ràga can just be there, by itself, in your mental processes. You can think that she is a very attractive and a really pleasant person to share company with, and still not have thoughts of wanting to possess and make love with her. Any other mental formations are kàma-cchanda, “How old is she?” or “What should I say?” or “I want her company.” or maybe “Can I have sex with her?” But if it’s only kàma-ràga that arises, then these mental formations definitely don’t arise. You’re not thinking and thinking. You’re not making up a story about her. No. Ràga is only to appreciate her beauty. You certainly aren’t thinking about having sex.
When the woman sees you looking at her, even when you are only trying to be helpful and you don’t want anything sexual, she may assume you want something sexual because men frequently look at her in that way. Then, she says things that confuse you. Perhaps because of childhood abuse or because of kamma, she is suspicious and views the situation as sexual, rejecting you and your help.

Can I have sex without kàma-cchanda?

No. Kàma-cchanda is eliminated only at the stage of anàgàmã. A lot of useful things can be said about the relations between men and women, if these things are taken in a balanced way.

Women sometimes drive me crazy, one in particular.

I am not entirely unworldly about these matters. This is two non-selves trying to make a self. You are craving. If you weren’t craving for this woman, you’d be craving for another woman. When you stop craving, you stop the disturbance, the fear. Fear and craving are opposite sides of the same coin. Remember the three characteristics of conditioned things anicca, dukkha, and anattà. Men cannot completely isolate themselves from women, and women cannot completely isolate themselves from men. You have to learn to live with women, because they’re everywhere. They are women nothing more and nothing less. They needn’t be craved or condemned just because they are women. There’s a good Jàtaka story about a princes unbalanced views on women. In his youth, the prince liked the company of men, but he disliked women. He even disliked the woman who breastfed him when he was a baby. Unless the women in the palace, including his mother the queen, disguised themselves as men, they couldn’t visit him. If the prince saw a woman, he blacked out. He had almost no concept of women, no perception of them. He only wanted the company of men.

And I thought women drove me crazy.

When the prince turned sixteen years of age, his father the king put into action a plan to change his son’s views on women. He arranged for a beautiful young woman to sing a ballad and play the violin in the nearby hills, just within earshot. “What’s that sound?” asked the prince. “That’s a woman singing a ballad and playing a violin,” said his father. The prince blacked out. A few weeks later, the woman sang and played again. Instead of blacking out this time, he liked the sound of her voice and the sound of the violin. The fathers plan was working. He brought the woman into the palace and then into his son’s bedroom, hiding her behind a curtain. The woman sang and played once more and the prince couldn’t restrain himself; throwing open the curtain he embraced her contact was pleasant. Enjoying one woman, the prince wanted another woman, and then another. Now liking women instead of disliking them, he murdered his father to get the harem. The prince on becoming the king started murdering men first in the palace, then in the nearby towns, and eventually throughout the country. He was a tyrant and was soon overthrown. At first, the prince disliked women and liked men; and then he disliked men and liked women. It’s better to develop a little wisdom. When we have a wise and balanced approach, we can associate with people of either gender without caution or suspicion.

DIFFERENCES BETWEEN PEOPLE

Many women are genuinely interested in learning and practicing the dhamma. The majority of bhikkhus, however, don’t want to be too close to them, owing to the fact they are women. Thus many women can’t find a good teacher, or they find a poor one and get into serious trouble. Young, middle-aged, and elderly women of various ages and various natures come here to our centre to learn the dhamma. I talk with them according to their nature. I talk with women who are virtuous according to their level of virtue. I talk with women who have a great deal of faith according to their level of faith. And I talk with women who have a lot of wisdom according to their level of wisdom. Some women have jhàna and some women have attained path and fruit. In whatever way the women are, I talk with them in the same way. I associate with all of these various types of women and I treat them kindly, helping in any way possible. Women are free here and they get proper instruction. Though people criticize me for acting in this way, for even the teaching of women, I have no interest in debating the matter.

You’ve got a good attitude towards women. Me? I can’t say that I understand them all that well.

You will never understand women. The kammic nature of women comes along with being born a woman. A woman’s perception of a situation is different from a man’s perception of the same situation. A woman’s feelings are also different from a man’s feelings. Men’s and women’s perceptions and feelings are simply not the same. And with differences in perceptions and feelings, men and women often don’t understand each other, which make interactions between men and women difficult. Conflicts can emerge. As a man, you are better off letting go of trying to understand women. I can’t comprehend how a man and a woman can get married and live together for so many years. Before the Buddha allowed his own step-mother to ordain and start the order of bhikkhunis, he laid down rules of discipline that are specific to bhikkhunis because he wanted to avoid the difficulties that arise out of the differences between men and women. The rules of discipline for bhikkhunis are very strict.

Are men born as men in their next birth, and are women born as women in their next birth?

By and large, both men and women have the same gender in the next birth. Though a woman might say she wants to be born as a man, she is generally born as a woman because she clings to objects associated with being a woman, such as a woman’s form, being a wife, and being a caring mother. A woman rules the home. It’s her first priority and she gets caught up in running it. If a woman starts clinging to the objects a man clings to, she will be a man in the next birth. This is difficult to understand. We have to look at the relations between men and women in a balanced way, from both sides. And at the end of the day, you need not worry about being a man or a woman. Just accept the fact of the matter. If you are a man, you are a man. If you are a woman, you are a woman. Both men and women have the potential to overcome their defilements and attain liberation. It isn’t necessary for women to become men. And if female and male body parts are isolated, can you tell me which parts are female and which parts are male? Is there such a thing as a female liver or a male kidney? No, just parts. No difference. Female and male is just a perception.

I think I’ve found the right woman.

You say you want a woman and then later on you say that you don’t want a woman. “In this world,” said the Buddha, “it is rare that any person finds another person of the same inclination.” The differences between people are significant. Even among the Buddha’s sangha, there were bhikkhus that always associated with Sàriputta and there were bhikkhus that always associated with Moggallàna; and then there were those who associated with Devadatta. In inclination and mind, the bhikkhus that associated with Sàriputta were slightly different from the bhikkhus that associated with Moggallàna. “Milk is similar to milk,” said the Buddha. “Thus, milk mixes well with milk. In the same way, urine is similar to urine. Urine mixes well with urine. And excrement is similar to excrement. Excrement also mixes well with excrement.” You will not find a partner who is just right for you. Total communication and total trust between two people is exceptionally rare. A few people might find someone who is of a similar inclination; most people don’t find anyone of a similar inclination.

In the Migasàlà Sutta of the Anguttara Nicoya, the Buddha talks about the differences between people. Migasàlà was a young girl who lived at the time of the Buddha. Her father had renounced the householder’s life and all its sensual pleasures, and he led a brahmacariya life, abstaining from having sex. In contrast, Migasàlà‘s uncle had lived a householder’s life with his wife and children, and he enjoyed all the sensual pleasures available to him, including having sex. After her father and her uncle died, Migasàlà went to the Buddha, “Where were my father and uncle born?”

“Your father and your uncle took births in the Tusità Heaven,” said the Buddha. “Both were sakadàgàmãs.” Migasàlà doubted that her father and her uncle could have the same destiny. When Venerable ânanda arrived at Migasàlà’s home for alms, she asked him, “How can it be that both my father and my uncle took births in the Tusità Heaven? My father led a pure brahmacariya life, but my uncle indulged in sense pleasures.” Venerable ânanda reported Migasàlà’s comments to the Buddha.

“Migasàlà is a young girl of little wisdom,” said the Buddha. “She plays games and eats mangoes like a little child. How can she understand the differences between people? How can she measure another person’s level of realization? Morality was her father’s strong characteristic and wisdom was her uncle’s strong characteristic.” According to the Buddha, the father and uncle were equal in that way. Even in our meditation centre, there are people like Migasàlà’s father and uncle. If we measure those amongst us, as Migasàlà did from external signs, we will make mistakes. Only someone like the Buddha can measure people with any accuracy.

STUDYING DETAILS AND A PLAN OF ACTION

The excitement of sensuality, kàma-cchanda, involves studying details and a plan of action. Because of taking delight in the details of sensuality, a plan of action is worked out to indulge in sensuality. Both men and women study the sensual details of the opposite sex. Men long for women, and women long for men. Nevertheless, what’s an object of sensual pleasure for one person is solely dependent upon that person. There are women who are commonly considered beautiful that you don’t find at all beautiful, and there are women who aren’t commonly considered beautiful that you find very beautiful. Which characteristic of the person causes kàma-ràga to arise often has nothing to do with material beauty? Various characteristics can cause kàma-ràga to arise.

A little sympathy and helpful wisdom, and I’m sunk! Seems hopeless.

Yes. When women speak kind words with you, your kàma-ràga starts going. You approve of them. To your detriment, however, your kàma-cchanda starts going too. You enjoy the little things about women. Not only talking with them, you enjoy looking at parts of their bodies, maybe their eyes, and enjoy watching them move. You enjoy being with women just because they are women. Caught up in noticing the sensual details of women, you latch onto them and get stuck. Yes, little restraint and then you’re sunk! Thinking you need their company, you look forward to women dropping by to speak with you, and you make plans to be with them. Pursuing, doing various things, you excite yourself to the point of wanting to experience the sensual pleasure of having sex with them.

Is sexual self-stimulation any different from a night emission?

Self-stimulation is kàma-cchanda; a night emission isn’t kàma-cchanda. There may be a sotàpanna or a sakadàgàmã who has kàma-cchanda about these objects of sensuality. The kàma-cchanda is there; even so, neither the sotàpanna nor the sakadàgàmã indulges in illegitimate sex, sex that leads to the four lower worlds, the four apàyas. Sex is only with a legitimate partner, such as a spouse. Sex isn’t with another man’s wife, another woman’s husband, or with any other person’s partner. Though kàma-ràga may arise towards these certain individuals, neither the sotàpanna nor the sakadàgàmã let kàma-cchanda come on; they don’t let it develop concerning these individuals, not in that way.

Is sex a problem?

You don’t have to make kàma-ràga into a problem. You find sex within a legitimate relationship and you don’t go looking for sex outside that relationship. If you have sex within your relationship, there is no problem. Relationships belongs to you and your partner in the same way any material object, say a chair, and belongs to you and your partner its okay for the two of you to use it. Even the ability to attain jhàna is not destroyed just by having sex. Of course, at the time you are having sex, you won’t have the possibility of attaining jhàna. All the same, later on, you again meditate and again you have the possibility to attain jhàna. Sex within a legitimate relationship is not detrimental to the spiritual practice. You must abstain from illegitimate sex. When you go looking for sex outside a legitimate relationship, when you break the third precept, the possibility of attaining jhàna is destroyed, and you will never be able to attain jhàna, not in this birth as long as you indulge in breaking the precept. You lose the jhàna because your mental formations are of a low level.

A Sri Lankan arahat, who lived during the Anuradhapura period, had a student who had the spiritual power to travel through the air. When his teacher needed flowers to offer at a stupa, the student travelled at a great speed to a forest in the Himalayas, filled up a basket, and then returned. The basket was bottomless. It remained full of flowers until the arahat turned the basket upside down. Looking into the future, the arahat saw his student as a layperson. “Be careful,” said the arahat to his student. “Protect yourself. Otherwise, you will lose your spiritual powers and live an unhappy lay life with a one-eyed lady.” The student did not protect himself. Once while travelling through the air, he caught a glimpse of a stunning and gorgeous woman, and was overcome with sensual passion. Instantly, he descended and committed an offence with her, and lost all his spiritual powers. Later, as man and wife, they scraped out a living on a chena farm. It was a hard life and they often fought with each other. One day, he gave her a brutal punch to the head and she lost an eye. At this point in time, he remembered his teachers warning, “You’ll live with a one-eyed lady.” He fell down and cried.

Also during the Anuradhapura period, a highly developed student of meditation lived in the Sithulpahuwa area of Sri Lanka. He could walk on water and travel through the air. Yes, he was a good student and he generally exercised a great deal of restraint. On one of his pilgrimages to the Kelaniya temple, however, his restraint slipped a little. While floating above the temple, he saw a group of bhikkhunis. He was very surprised and happy to see them. With his divine powers, he stretched out supernatural arms and embraced the whole group of bhikkhunis. By mistake, he touched the breast of one of the bhikkhunis, and immediately he too lost all his divine powers.

In another Jàtaka story, King Maha Pratapa falls in love with a beautiful woman called Chandra Devi and he takes her to be his queen. Queen Chandra Devi loves King Maha Pratapa and in due course she bears him a baby boy, which they call Dhammapala. The queen also loves the baby. Little by little, the king gets less of the queen’s love and the baby gets more and more of her love. Eventually, the king gets none of the queen’s love and the baby gets all her love. When the king enters the queen’s bedroom, she doesn’t even notice him. She no longer pays respects to the king, and the king is jealous. One day, the king walks into the bedroom when the queen is breastfeeding the baby, and his hate explodes, “Cut the baby’s hands and legs off.” Soon after, the king puts the baby to death. Recently right here in our own city of Colombo, one family’s disturbing story came to light. A father forced two of his three daughters into having sex with him. When he tried forcing his third daughter into also having sex, she refused and fought back. The father was very angry, “I gave you life. I fed you. I raised you.” Then failing to have his way with her, he stabbed her to death.

Kàma-cchanda has a close relationship with kàma-ràga. Because you enjoy sensuality, you excite and take delight in sensuality. And when you choose to excite and delight in sensuality, the enjoyment of sensuality flows into you. Using the Pali, because of kàma-ràga, kàma-cchanda arises. And when you choose the road of kàma-cchanda, kàma-ràga arises. Your sense doors and the objects of your sense doors are not the problem. Lack of restraint is the problem.

This sure sounds similar to Christian piety. That through sheer force of will, I better practise self-denial and stop doing the things I like to do, else I’ll end up in hell.

No. Wise people aren’t denying themselves the joys of life.

THE NATURE OF RESTRAINT

Wise people make the effort to restrain kàma-cchanda. When wise people have a good meal at our meditation centre, they don’t go into the details of the meal and they don’t wish to have the same meal tomorrow, the day after, or next month. When they finish the meal, the experience of the meal ends. It’s over. Like you and I, wise people enjoy eating the meal. That’s kàma-ràga. Why wouldn’t they enjoy a good meal? It’s not that wise people don’t enjoy a good meal and foolish people do enjoy a good meal. Both groups enjoy a good meal. But kàma-cchanda doesn’t arise for wise people as a reaction to enjoying the meal. Only kàma-ràga arises. We aren’t out to destroy our kàma-ràga. We are reducing our kàma-cchanda. When kàma-cchanda is reduced, kàma-ràga is as you would expect also reduced. Kàma-cchanda needn’t arise and it doesn’t arise for wise people because they make the effort to see objects as they really are impermanent, unsatisfactory, and insubstantial. Clearly comprehending these three characteristics of all conditioned things, wise people have hardly any problems. It seems to me that, when it comes to enjoying the company of women, you’re not making much effort to restrain your kàma-cchanda, or to see the three characteristics.

Yes, I have to admit that I’m still working through a few problems with women. I guess it’s because I’m not as developed as you are. Apparently, I’m not all that wise.

Comments like that annoy me. You like to perform virtuous actions, and then you dislike reducing your kàma-cchanda. Only after the woman departs, you start thinking of reducing your kàma-cchanda towards the woman. You aren’t interested in reducing your kàma-cchanda while you’re enjoying her company.

Okay. That’s true enough! Then please tell me how am I supposed to restrain my cravings? All these pleasant feelings keep coming up.

It’s a gradual process that you have to figure out for yourself. For some people, asubha helps them to restrain their kàma-cchanda. Asubha means contemplating the unpleasant realities of the body and seeing the problems in the pleasure. Through practicing asubha as well as skeleton, people get a slight aversion towards sensual objects, and this aversion removes their minds from those objects of desire. Aversion leads the mind away from always thinking about the pleasant nature of the body. It’s a kind of suppression of desire. For others, relevant dhamma discussions help them to restrain their kàma-cchanda more than contemplation on asubha helps them. Fear of unpleasant consequences is enough to restrain excitement of sensuality for many people. And quite often, it’s common, because of physical illness or too much work at the office or excessive family concerns, a lot of people simply have no spare time to indulge in kàma-cchanda.
These meditation practices and life conditions, such as asubha and illness and work, do not overcome kàma-cchanda. They only keep it away; only temporarily turn minds away from desiring objects of pleasure.

To overcome our tendency towards the excitement of sensuality, kàma-cchanda, we need to see clearly and develop a little wisdom. We know that it’s because of our non-restraint with our sense doors that the objects connected to kàma-cchanda keep flowing into us. Thus, where kàma-cchanda is liable to enter, an understanding of the three characteristics, the tilakkhaõa, has to be recalled. At that exact moment, at that very instant in time, we need to make the effort to restrain kàma-cchanda. We avoid going into the sensual details of objects, avoid wishful thinking and avoid plans of action. That is right effort. It often takes a great deal of effort to restrain kàma-cchanda. The practice isn’t always easy. All the same, when we train properly, making the effort to restrain kàma-cchanda becomes a habit. And when kàma-cchanda is completely restrained, kàma-ràga won’t arise. Does this help you? Restraining through Samadhi and effort, together with wisdom, now that is real progress.

You’re a teacher. Yet, you never give me any specific advice. What am I supposed to do?

Not only you, have I never told anyone what to do because life is unpredictable. I can only give you a few clues, such as it’s wise to put your chanda into travelling roads to power, iddhipàda. These are four beneficial roads of experience:

1. Concentration of intention, chanda-samàdhi
2. Concentration of energy, viriya-samàdhi
3. Concentration of mind, citta-samàdhi
4. Concentration of investigation, vima§sa-samàdhi

In closing for today, I’d like to remind you that we can’t just outright reject kàma-tanhà and kàma-cchanda, craving for sensuality and the excitement of sensuality, because, as the Buddha states in the Mahàsatipaññhàna Sutta of the Dãgha Nikàya, “Wherever objects are pleasant, craving arises.” It’s natural. It’s automatic. Craving is also powerful and leads into repeated births. So, just be careful.

Why am I in this birth?

You are in a human birth because sense doors were used in beneficial ways in previous births. If you turn your sense doors towards the beneficial in this birth, you should again take a future birth in a good plane of being, for instance one of the six lower celestial worlds or again in the human world. You’ll have sense doors that are in good working order, and you’ll again be able to indulge in the pleasures of sensuality. Living a good life, performing beneficial actions here and now this is the way to a good future birth. You also have the opportunity to realize there is no person behind the eye, ear, nose… Since all your sense doors are in good working order, you could use this birth to develop the jhànas, break the concept of self, and attain path and fruit. You could use this birth for that purpose. You have the opportunity. It’s possible. You have no obstructions.

Through samatha and vipassanà-bhàvanà, you could suppress the rupa-kalàpas, the sub-atomic particles of your body, which are associated with sensuality. The rupa-kalàpas appetite for sensuality varies according to the person. One person’s rupa-kalàpas are satisfied with a small meal, and another persons rupa-kalàpas want to eat again and again. You must know the appetite of your rupa-kalàpas. Practice awareness on body touch, phoññhabba, and awareness on mental contact, phassa. See how the sabhàga turns to the visabhàga, how the suitable turns to the unsuitable. The place where there is neither phoññhabba nor phassa, you see the asubha. When you practice bhàvanà well, the structure of your body’s rupa-kalàpas transforms temporarily, hormones change, and your skin will shine. If you practice really well and attain path, the structure of your rupa-kalàpas transforms irreversible. The sotàpanna drops views, no longer sees what is non-self as self. To be completely free of your craving for sensuality, however, you have to attain to anàgàmità.

You aren’t in this birth to abuse your sense doors, such as putting your chanda into travelling harmful roads of experience, agati:

1. The road of greed, lobha
2. The road of aversion, dosa
3. The road of delusion, moha
4. The road of cowardice, bhaya

Yes, these are without a doubt very bad roads to travel! There’s some advice. And if you continue to use your sense doors in harmful ways, you might end up in a lower plane of being, in a hell or in an animal plane as a dog or a cat or a bug on a tree. A being who takes birth in a hell is really suffering the effects of harmful actions, akusala-kamma-vipàka; he or she may not even have eyes. Some dogs have wealthy owners and live a life that is more comfortable than many poor Sri Lankans can possibly imagine. Nonetheless, these dogs do not have human sense doors. In a previous human birth, they used their sense doors in harmful ways kàma-tanhà led them down the wrong road and they were born as dogs. You recently bought me a packet of razor blades. What if I used one of the blades to slit my throat? Did you give me the razor blades to help me kill myself?

No, of course not.

Sense doors are like razor blades. We don’t use them to slit our throats.